That person who drives you crazy? Yeah, they're your teacher.
Tune in for the audio version—plus some unscripted Laura riffs that didn't make it to the newsletter!
Listen here!
That person who drives you crazy? Yeah, they're your teacher.
I have to tell you about something that happened to me that was equal parts mortifying and eye-opening.
There's this woman in my professional circle - let's call her Jessica - who used to make me want to crawl under a table every time she spoke at events.
She'd go on and on about her latest wins, drop client names like confetti, and somehow make every single conversation circle back to her achievements. I'd sit there internally rolling my eyes, thinking, "Everything is about her. It's exhausting."
I was complaining to my husband about her after yet another networking event when he asked me something that changed everything:
"What exactly is it about her that bothers you so much?"
As I started listing all her annoying traits, something uncomfortable started stirring in my chest. Because if I'm being really honest? I used to (ok, still…) do those exact same things.
Oh. Oh no.
That night I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about all the times I'd steered conversations toward my revenue numbers, my latest placement, my professional wins. How many events had I dominated with stories about my success?
The truth hit me: Jessica wasn't annoying me because she was terrible. She was annoying me because she was showing me a part of myself I hadn't fully made peace with yet.
The part that tied my worth to achievement. The part that needed everyone to know how well she was doing. The part that felt invisible unless she was impressive.
I thought I'd moved past that version of myself. But watching Jessica, I realized I hadn't fully processed my shame about my desire to feel special.
Here's what I've learned about these moments:
When someone gets under your skin in that deep, can't-shake-it way, it's usually not about them. It's about you recognizing something familiar - something you either haven't fully accepted in yourself or something you've changed but haven't forgiven yourself for.
Think about it. There are probably lots of people who do things you don't love, but they don't trigger you the same way. You just think, "Not my style," and move on.
But the ones who really get to you? Those are your mirrors.
Once I realized what was happening with Jessica, everything shifted. Instead of avoiding her, I started watching with curiosity. I could see that underneath all that self-promotion was someone who felt like she had to prove her worth constantly. Someone who, like old me, didn't quite believe she was valuable just for being herself.
At the next event, when Jessica started sharing her latest success story, I actually listened instead of judging. And you know what? She was genuinely excited about helping her clients. The name-dropping was just how she knew to share that joy.
When she paused, instead of changing the subject, I said, "That sounds like really meaningful work. Your clients are lucky to have someone who cares that much."
The shift in her face was instant. She relaxed. Stopped performing and started connecting.
Something beautiful happened when I stopped judging Jessica.
I also started extending that same compassion to myself. Instead of feeling shame about the achievement-obsessed, validation-seeking version of Laura, I began to understand that she was doing the best she could with what she had.
She wasn't wrong. She was just trying to feel worthy in the only way she knew how.
When I healed that relationship with my past self, Jessica stopped triggering me entirely. She's still proud of her work (as she should be), and I can celebrate her wins without feeling any angst.
So here's my question for you:
Who in your life is currently pushing your buttons? Instead of asking "Why are they so annoying?" try asking:
What specifically about their behavior triggers me?
When have I acted in similar ways?
What part of myself might I be judging in them?
This isn't about excusing harmful behavior or forcing yourself to love everyone. Some people genuinely aren't good for us, and boundaries matter.
But if someone consistently gets under your skin in ways that feel bigger than their actual impact on your life? That's usually your cue to look deeper.
What if that person is just showing you something you need to heal?
When you heal your relationship with those parts of yourself, when you stop judging yourself for your past coping mechanisms, you free yourself from being triggered by others.
You also create space for real connection. When you're not busy judging someone for their humanity, you can actually see them.
The people who frustrate us most are often reflecting back the parts of ourselves we need to love more fully.
What mirror has been trying to get your attention lately?
With deep belief in your magnificence,
Laura